Those times where Service was during evening, where everyone would stay and fellowship together. When'll those days come again?
Sometimes I wish time would go back to how it was last time. Everything is just so messed up right now that I really don't know what to feel. Sometimes people care, sometimes they just leave me hanging so dead. Feeling like I have no life at all, hurting people, making people cry, why am I doing all these things? I really wonder, am I such a lousy friend that everybody don't care about, or is it that I bring too much troubles to people that I don't deserved to be loved, any more...?
Seeing people around me getting along well with each other makes me feel like, why? Why am I always the one being ignored and trampled on, because I'm not good enough or because I'm too emotional for you to take? Sometimes I just tweet a random stuff and then get shoot at, get scolded at, but is it even wrong to have a higher eq than average? It's not like I wanted it, you know.....
I could had been happier if life was easier on me. Trying to be positive isn't as easy as A B C. Trying to be happy, I can... But at the rate rubbish are being thrown at me, I really don't know how to be happy. One moment everything's perfect, another moment everything is freaking messed up. When I'm happy, no one sees. When I'm upset, the whole bloody world knows about it and judge.
You know it's pretty pathetic whenever I want to watch a movie or go out, it's like the same old people. I don't know, it's just so pathetic that I can't even look at myself. Others always got so many friends revolving around them, their Twitter is always full of friends chattering with them, but why am I so alone? When will all these emptiness get filled up, when'll I see all the beautiful things that were meant for me?
People leaving one by one...
Even the ones who I thought would stay no matter what happens, left too. Even the ones I thought I could trust betrayed me for the others too. When'll the day where people cared more about my feelings instead of another?
You know, this feeling sucks when you'll never become someone's priority. It's like so many times I have to see others getting all the love and favouritism towards them, then what am I? Some emotional bullshit creating drama, or just a waste of time? It really sucks to see how people react differently in front of me and her favourite girl.
She came over and said Hi to me with a smile and a flat tone, but when she saw her, she said Hi so cheerfully with the person's name, it was so obvious that everybody knew.. Knew how unimportant my existence were. That time, my heart just feel like breaking into pieces. I mean, not only her. But everyone else is doing, why is it that every time I'll never become people's favourite, or people's priority, or people's happiness?
You came because you needed me, because no one was there to listen to your rants. Now you left, because you know she's back to normal, you left because you knew I wasn't needed any more, you left, because you knew things would stay as awesome as it is, even without my help any more.
I stayed, I really stayed for you. But why the heck did you did this to me?
Every time I stayed for someone even after them hurting me like no tomorrow but days later they just kick me aside. Each time people get close to me not because I am a good friend but because I am a good tool for them to use to get close to another. And each time they get close to me, I always thought I've changed into a better person.. a better friend. I always give myself high hopes, telling myself I've became a better person, but then seconds later, every single hope is being smashed down, telling me how useless I am.
Do you? I used to be the one you always turned to when you have problems. Should have known, we weren't even that close. For 1week, and it's all over ever since you've found her through me.
People using me over and over again, I cry, I do things I shouldn't, but why over and over again I let them hurt me?
Sometimes I wonder, why am I such an idiot? Why do I have to be so soft-hearted letting everyone trample onto me, why do I have to try so hard when in the end, I will still be nothing but a worthless & useless friend in people's eyes?
