Yes, I finally cut my hair short after what seems like zillion years. And, just minutes after I cut my hair short, I miss my long hair. Damn, I look so much better last time even though many tells me I'm better with my current hair, hahaha whatever. Probably too used to my long and long hair. Ok.. so life's pretty messed up, I don't know what to say or feel. hmm.
When friendships turns to friendshit, I don't know what to say lol. I'm as upset as shit here, but to them I'm laughing off like nobody's business giving no shits. Yea, Idk. my head's hurting like crazy and I have no idea what I want to rant but I need to rant so I don't get all caught up and probably get another mental break down or something or whatever.
Sorry.
I love you both still, Idk. Probably no matter what happened no matter what ass you've done to me no matter what shit you say you don't trust me or whatever I still care. And some times it sucks. I just hate caring for things that I know I shouldn't. I really want to leave, but at the same time I want to stay. But no matter what happened, I know things ain't going to be the same. Cos my heart broke, completely. So much that I don't want to trust or ever open up to anyone else any more, except some ahem really naggy person. hahahaha x)
Y can't everyone get along together, well and everything. It sucks, being in the middle trying to get everyone together, cos I don't want to hate on anyone, but it sucks. Cause no one cares, they think you're a stupid retard for doing that, they label you as backstabber, and damn. It hurts more than anything else.. However, whatever it is that happened, I started it. It was my fault, I should had known things would turn out like that. I've tried, and I don't know y it turned out like that. I'm too tired, and I let go of my ego I've been holding on for so long AGAIN.. It seems like nothing matters any more, it seems like I'm just so soul less and empty and everything not giving a damn about anything else, except God and naggy bestie. So, basically... Idk how to live on with this empty heart, been so numb with all those insults, all those problems, all those backstabbing, I'm tired, I need a rest.
And I need to learn and remind myself not to share things often with others, I mean.. in this society, no one hardly ever cares, all they freaking wants to do is to know your story and spread it like some megazombbah fire, and then make you embarrassed. And yes, I'm tired of that type of people. So from now onwards, I'm gonna once again make my four walls around my heart strong, strong enough that no one else can ever break down that walls, except God.
