I don't know what to say, I don't know how to express it. Each time people ask me ' How are you feeling right now? Are you sad, or recently are you still thinking too much?' I wanted to tell them frigging badly 'I'm doing badly, I'm crying each night to sleep, I'm feeling so depressed that nothing seems to take it away. & Yes, what could you even do about it after you know?' But each time, I'm just like ' Nah, I'm okay. Really okay, so yeah.' And listen to them telling me what to do, what to do. It's not that I don't appreciate it, I do. But know what? I'm tired of doing stuffs people don't bother to. A clap takes to hand to success, and a friendship takes two person's efforts. Or no even, just two person's true hearts. that's all. But why am I struggling so hard to gain friendship? People don't even lift a single finger to get a friendship, and yet, I'm practically spending my thoughts 24/7 over it. I'm tired about it, seriously.
People are just saying that I'm over-thinking and sensitive. I admit I am, but do you guys know what's wrong? Don't you guys know what's lies? Lies from her. I don't care what the big shit it is. I'm not gonna let her make others assume that it's my fault. She can practically do anything bad to me, but I'll never allow it when she does all these bad deeds yet feels nothing and pretends that it was me who was thinking that much. I've never disliked any friends no matter what they did to me. No matter what they said about me, no matter how cruel it is, I won't dislike them, or hate. I will just like ' walao eh' and forget it the very next moment. But this time round, hatred goes in and out of me. so many times that I don't even know what I'm feeling. Sometimes, I'm so numb from all the pains that I feels so happy even after seeing things that hurts me, and sometimes, I'm just like all so depressed just because they're all together chatting, and I know they're happy even without me.
They don't think when they speak. They don't see my pain, so they can just say all the bloody nasty things to me, all not. Just telling me that I'm thinking too much. But, what if one day they were to see my damn bloody heart that's been stabbed over for my past 10years? my shit life, started ever since the day I started exposing to people, been bullied on since I was in kindergarten. Most adults in my family doesn't like me for I don't know what shit reasons. And then? Nobody knew, they just judge me. by how I am right now. Don't give me stuffs like your pain is so much more than me, everybody has their own pains. And that's something another person will never be able to feel. And all they see, is the advantages they can have when they do this/that, yet they are never thinking of how that SIMPLE action, could actually make another person so freaking depressed and hideous.
