Been long since I last posted a photo of myself,
and it all goes down the drain, how much I miss the old me.
This timing, last year I was slowly decreasing in my weight.
Used to weight 80kg, but now I'm so much lighter.
So many things changed, and I lost myself
In return, trying to find something that is of the world
Many people asked "how did you slimmed down so drastically?"
I don't know either.
One thing I know for sure, is that in order to achieve the body that I had today
I broke myself.
And I promise, there is no turning back.
Something inside of me just want to scream out loud,
a part of me wishes that somebody would come and save me out of this hellhole.
Seriously, how shallow this world can gets, no one knows
I don't want to be ugly, but I don't want to be pretty either
I just want someone, who'll appreciate and treasure me for who I am,
for my thoughts, for whatever that exists in me
I cannot bring myself to love,
neither can I open up
because my mind is a screwed up mess, it is a hellhole even I cannot get out of
My life is a mess,
it's such a mess that I don't even want people to know the life I am living
...
People, they think they know me
They see what I present to them and they are already judging
I wonder what will go through their mind,
when they see the real messy state of me?
of my life?
I grew up not knowing love,
and now I am really living with the absence of it
....
I have so much so much love inside of me,
wishing that someone would be here for me to shower them on,
but fuck it
If you're ugly and your life is a total mess,
with no money no luxurious shit,
nobody is going to care
If you don't present yourself in the most luxurious life,
no one will give a damn
So many times I wish that I could party and enjoy the worldly things like the rest,
then I start thinking about my background,
I realise there's so much more things for me to worry about
Teenagers now days don't even have to worry
Because they have a shelter that feels like home
They have everything prepared for them,
all they have to do is to waste their youth away
While I am stuck here,
feeling guilty cause I'm still young and imperfect
feeling guilty,
because I have a broken family.
Tell me?
Why me.
Why, does all people
I have to be chosen?
Why?
Why couldn't those screwed up mofo ass be the ones suffering,
why must I be the one?
Some day I'll be swept away, with whatever that is within me
Trust me it does not feel good here
And some times I really wish I were DEAD.
