IN CHINA :)
anyway I was really upset.. cause there was like this day where I wanted to delete the Whatsapp videos in my phone and I accidentally clicked onto my whole CAMERA ALBUM and there goes my everything. 1000+ photos. Including those that I took in China. Although still sad, but I sort of get over it I guess.
Things been so hectic recently. Actually.. I really have no idea what's on my mind. I don't really feel sad, but when I'm alone, everything goes haywire, I just break down and cry, but the next moment I'm perfectly fine again. It's not that I'm lonely though, for I know Papa is here. But.. I don't know what is this.
So, through all the things that have happened around me, I really learnt more about the world, and how it works. Like for example, when you love. You love unconditionally. And if you have a reason why you love that person, it is not love. Nope. And when the two people with the same common ground comes together, eventually they crashes.
And also, my definition for friendships also became much deeper.
True friends are NOT those who spends time with you everyday, those who put you as their priority list. Nope, true friends are those who can edify, who can enlighten you in your spiritual walk. Friends that are there for you no matter what, they are not always there. BUT YOU know they are there. Not a single thing can break the bond you've had with this very special friend, because you trust this true friend enough to know that a small things like this don't matter.
But it's sad, because most of the time people think that TRUE FRIENDS are those friends that actually in a form or another am an advantage to us in our lives, or simply those who'll never let you be alone (not walk alone) but be alone.
Nah, I rather have a friend who'd leave me alone when I'm emotionally blackmailing people, so that I can know where's my fault and where's my wrongdoings than to have a friend who is there 24/7, but doesn't correct me when I'm at wrong or when I'm simply walking the wrong path. A true friend to me, is one who can laugh with me, laugh at me, but also one who never hesitates to correct me whenever I'm not right. If you don't even have the guts to correct your friend, is she/he truly your true friend? Or simple enough, are you a true friend?
Secondly, this sentence really kept me going on. "Happiness is a choice and a decision." We entirely hold the right to choose whether we want to be happy or not. We can decide to be happy, but at the same time we can also let the negative thoughts take over. But what's worse is, if you can't allow yourself to be happy, why get sad when other is trying to choose happiness? Anyone can gain happiness. It's really up to yourself, whether or not you WANT to be happy too. Happiness is really a choice, not a fate. not a destiny. not something you're obliged to.
Thirdly, I'm just well, pretty upset.
The perfect, and the imperfect. We have to love them all, but some times you just can't help but to feel sad and disappointed in some. I don't know but one thing for sure I know is I'm just a human, probably one who feels tempted all the time. And one thing I know is that only Papa can forgive EVERY single sin. But I'm not, and I can't. And it's just so sad some times the people I love turns out to be the one who disappoints me the most.
Fourthly, why do people pretend?
If you are born like that, be like that. I rather right from the start, they show me who they really are. Then to let it slowly revealed to me as we get closer. It only makes me wonder if right from the start I was just a tool. It makes me wonder if you're fake, if you ever truly meant what you said. There's so so much thoughts in me right now. Uh it's not that I'm emotionally unstable, and it's not that these thoughts linger around my mind all the time, but I just you know need a place to rant it all out.
I just wish people nowadays treasured friendships and relationships more. These things takes years to build, but seconds to destroy. And not everyone in life can take you for who you are, so why risk destroying all the relationships in life?
I just wish people would know that ANOTHER human actually DO have their worth. I just wish people would try even harder to get their friends back, rather than just telling ourselves "it's okay, I can always move on to another, as long as I am not alone. It's okay."
Let me say, it's not okay. It's really not, because not everyone is as shallow as the society is.
And I know, Papa is different from humans, He forgives every sin.
