It really sucks to know that all the world want is skinny and pretty people. Am I not human? Am my existence only important when they need something? Why, why must there be a world like that. why can't it be the opposite. No matter how much or how hard I tried, no one gives a damn. They think I'm just joking when I am not. It hurts me to know that I'm uglier in my clique. It hurts to know I'm fat and it hurts even more that I have to cover up my fats when I'm wearing a tighter shirt.
It hurts when other just be themselves but I have to be so fat, so bloody fat. No matter what I do I'm just still fat, can I wake up one day and become skinny so I can fit into whatever bull shit shirt I want? Insecurity is not what I have, I just came to know the truth that even good guys still wants looks. Girls don't appreciate good guys? No, it's just that they too goes for looks. Would a normal guy ask someone who looks like a total shit with fats around. If it's were to be you, you wouldn't too, right?
Don't tell me I'm over thinking or I'm sensitive cos I've been through all these shit when all my friends are happily getting well a long with people either it to be a girl or a boy. They get well along cos they're skinny but I have to try so hard to get this & that, why? Because I am fat...? I've looked into the mirror everyday thinking why am I fat. why am I getting fatter when I'm just eating regular meals like everyone else? Why. am. I. so irritating to keep eating every meal, why can't I just skip all the meals? I'm so irritating.
I've always told myself not to eat, not to eat. but it's hard I'm just hungry. It's unfair, to see people eating so happily yet they never once have to worry how they look. Me? I have to care, look at the mirror, look at my fats and every night cry myself to sleep. I'm not joking I'm not seeking any attention, I'm just.. plainly upset. Cos after all, skinny people still belongs to skinny people right? No matter how much I try to improve myself, there's no way people will compliment me. Because sometimes even my closest friends does not want to be me, cos I'm simply too.. ugly.
Am I gonna change back to who I am years back? am I gonna be someone who spits vulgar all around? God, save me. please. I just can't stop crying at the fact that I know I have friends all around me treating me like air cos I'm not popular enough. Don't get near me if all you want is popular because I'm not pretty enough to keep everything constant. Don't get near me if you intend to hurt me, if you intend to leave me. Cause I just might be some stupid idiot to actually keep my promise to stay by your side forever.
